Oops

 

Well, shucks. (Not the word I'd use in real life.)  I screwed up.  I did not work out today.  I had a nasty headache all day, was achy, the wind was blowing and I hate wind, and it was a Sunday and weekends just aren't my thing, so no.

Fail.

But why? Because the minimum I could have done today would have been a yin yoga. That would have helped the aches and pains in my body, my mood, and definitely my headache. Yin would have counted as a workout!

What gives.  Why did I not?

Crickets...

I need to make a game plan for when I'm in a mood. I'm usually in a mood on weekends, for some strange reason. 

Health is too important and there are no do-overs, I simply must exercise daily. There's no choice.  (That's cognitive behavioral therapy for ya, said the therapist. I am a therapist.  Or was. Am. Not working, except on myself right now.)

I must figure this out.  In my mind I call it behavioral inertia.  I have tried every intervention in the book for days (years?), to no avail.  And with Joyce, I feel the great desire to workout, and I was!  But I let life get in the way, mood get in the way.  That's just stupid.  (Not what a therapist normally says, but here it's about me and I'm calling it as I see it.) 

Tomorrow is another day to get things right.  And I will.

Commit.  I felt so good about myself all week.  I felt good physically, too. 

This is a roadblock, a piece of the puzzle that must be solved.  Because seriously, there is no choice.  I am 1 year away from the age of my mother's death. My sister who was 5 years older than me died years ago.  This isn't a game (to use Joyce's words!)  It's real, it's my health, and it's important.

The reality is, it's a trauma response. And I need to work through it. The answer is radical acceptance, feel the pain I'm in, accept it, know that it is past hurt that my body remembers triggered by something currently, breathe, be in the moment, acknowledge, and that is how to get through it. The funny thing is, yoga done for 12 weeks can greatly decrease trauma symptoms.

So it's okay that I messed up today. It's okay I was in a bad mood, that IS life. And I will put myself first (so hard to do) because my health matters. I matter.